Five Great Songs

I’ve decided to take some money that came my way this Christmas and buy five songs. I really do not have that many songs in mind, but five seemed like a fairly reasonable amount to play with.

I thought I would solicit some help from five or six of you who read this blog. So I ask you: If you could only listen to five songs the rest of your life, what would they be? Please leave your selections in the comment section. I am not saying I will chose from your suggestions (for instance, Brandon, no Ricky Martin numbers will be making my play list), but I am interested in what you have to say.

I did a little research to find some really popular albums and songs. Looking up top albums in different places yields very different answers. Amazon’s Listmania had many top album lists full of albums I’m sure only the list maker knew about. Wikipedia was helpful, but gave different answers for world-wide and American sales. We may have produced Michael Jackson, but at least we didn’t make him #1. The Eagles came up near the top in many lists, which didn’t surprise me, but AC/DC’s Back in Black really surprised me as almost always in the top five. I really think record books do not go back far enough, because no Elvis Presley album makes any top 10 sales charts I could find. He does show up in some of the top singles charts.

But the singles are a wholly different animal. “Hound Dog/Don’t Be Cruel” sold over 4 million copies, but so did Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now.” “I Want To Hold Your Hand” is there along with “The Chipmunk Song.” In fact if you wanted to compose a song list featuring five of the top 25 singles ever sold, it could go like this:

1. "Islands in the Stream", Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton;
   
2. "I Think We're Alone Now", Tiffany;
   
3. "Ballad of the Green Berets", Sgt Barry Sadler;
   
4. "Whoomp! (There It Is)", Tag Team;
5. "Macarena", Los Del Rio

I hope everyone can agree that best-selling does not equal best. After all, I could not find Audio Adrenaline’s “Bloom” or Steve Taylor’s “Squint” on any of these lists.

RED

On a recent visit to Jill’s parents home in Iowa, I saw something amusing enough to share. The television was on for background noise (do all families do this, or just the one’s I’ve been around?), and an infomercial came on. It was one I have never seen before. They were selling a bar stool as exercise equipment. Granted it was a low bar stool with handles, but still. They said it was used by firefighters. It did not mention mail carriers, psychiatrists or other overweight guys in Cheers. Apparently, a shirtless Norm wouldn't sell the things as well as the bikini clad model they continually showed during voice overs: “Do you want tight abs and smooth lines like this?” I would have been more impressed if she would have had really flabby arms and legs but perfect abs. Somehow I think she might use something besides Red.

Other highlights of the show included people falling off those “difficult to use” exercise balls. Also, while the models were using the machine, their abs would flash as though their muscles were filled with neon lights. They continually referred to the device as “Red.” As in, “Using Red for just 30 minutes a day will cut your waistline 7 inches.” Maybe red is the name of some kind of hormone that speeds up metabolism, so their statements are technically true. The name is the biggest marketing blunder. In the internet age your name should be uniquely searchable (my theory of why Microsoft named their media player Zune, try finding something else called that on Google). I vote for the Norminizor. I also think you should have a little voice recorder to say your name into, so that every time you start to exercise it would greet you like a bar full of people where everybody knows your name. Unfortunately, I cannot find any place on their website to leave suggestions.

Merry Christmas Everyone

I hope all your Christmas dreams came true.

Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I have made a Christmas discovery. Besides being a Satanic plot to commercialize Christmas, the Santa Claus Bringing Presents Christmas Eve Myth (which is the proper academic term) may have been started to serve a useful purpose regarding little children. Have you ever tried to have a bunch of brightly wrapped boxes in a room in which a one-year old spends most of his time? We waited to set these out until we were leaving for the Miller Christmas in Iowa. We should have had Cannon in the car first. I don't know if he realizes the presents are inside, but he thinks the paper and boxes are wonderful things to play with.

If you look closely at the picture, you'll notice the bottom two feet are strangely devoid of ornaments. If it wasn't a pre-lit tree, I am sure he would have taken the lights as well.

A couple of ice pictures

This would have been very beautiful if... Well okay it was beautiful anyway, but it stinks for the people who lost their electricity (and those of us working to get it back on).Does taking pictures of lines qualify as working to get the lights back on?

The two horizontal ice cycles in this picture are power lines. These might have still been energized.

Here is what happens when a power line makes it to the ground without tripping the breaker. That burnt piece of fence looking thing is three-phase line. The dirt closest to the wire had crystallized. Pretty cool stuff. Stay away from downed power lines (and don't do drugs; politicians do reports about that sort of thing now).

Florida Anyone?

Not much to post except that this week I have spent as much time at work as I have at home. All because of a little old winter storm. There are pictures here and here. I hope to post some more that I have taken once I get some time away from the office. By the way the picture from the sun with the lineman reaching over the "hot" line with a chainsaw. The line is not hot. That would be really stupid and it irritated the lineman in question.

Hunting

Deer season was the last couple of weeks in Missouri. For the first time since I was I left college, I was in the woods during rifle season. For two of the days I got up and in the woods before sunrise. This has now been proven to be a remarkably silly thing to do. I have only one time seen any deer before 8:30, and then they were standing on the path to my stand well before sunrise.

I did have one great insight this year though. Deer hunting for me is the same as trying to read one of those Magic Eye books. I sit in the woods usually in the early morning or late evening with low light. I look through the trees searching for an animal form between the bark and over the fallen leaves. Slowly my eyes glaze over as my focus shifts to a distance filled only with air attempting to see something that is not there. This continues until some noise draws my attention and I flip my head around, in a motion that will one day give me whiplash or a concussion, to see what is usually a squirrel.


Monkeys are Evil

I have made this point before, but never have I had such dramatic proof as this story entails. These monkeys are taking over the city and have already killed the deputy mayor. They are "rampaging neighborhoods." Not convinced yet, then read how these monkeys are attacking children. Pull quote from Dehli woman: "The monkey followed me in and buried its teeth in my baby's leg."

When Jill and I had just started dating, I took her to Colorado to visit Brandon with me. We took a day to visit the Denver zoo, to which I had never been. We were walking around the place and Brandon and Jill decided we should go to the monkey house. Not wanting to seem like a wimp, I don't think I showed any immediate fear. I do not remember passing through a gate or anything, but we somehow entered an enclosure and I looked up. There were ropes overhead, and I realized that at some point the monkeys had been loose or were loose out here where I was walking. I stopped dead.

Jill really enjoys doing an impression of me asking, "You don't think the monkeys are loose out here do you?" It is really amazing that she still married me. But fear of monkeys when you are in a zoo and there are ropes overhead is not an irrational fear. Just ask the woman with the gimpy-legged baby.


The Golden Compass

My second-favorite sports writer did a segment on the Golden Compass series of books (it's more than 2/3 down the page, look for Nicole Kidman). I had heard there was some kind of controversy, but this is a great description and article. I have no desire to see the movie, but I really want to read the books now.